Five Traits of a Real Man
I see boys graduating from colleges and universities. I see boys getting married, raising children, leading a family. But the problem is these boys are not able to leave their boyhood. They have degrees, wives, jobs but they fail to graduate to become men.
There are many reasons to it’s mostly because they lack an old masculine mentor. Most of these boys don’t know what they want to do in life. Clearly they lack discipline, have little control over their emotions as well. They underestimate their impact on the world.
My goal in writing this post is to challenge your beliefs. I want men to understand their impact on the world. I believe there are certain qualities that you as a man need to cultivate.
Now each person has their own idea about what makes a man. And if you were to take a group of men and ask each of them what it means to be a real man, you may be surprised. Of course there are many reasons for the varied response such as differences in age, social group, or even culture.
While many people have debated this, to me the answer is not complicated at all.
Five Traits of a Real Man:
“Pride only comes from hard work. Pride comes from accomplishment. Pride means knowing your self worth.”
It is easy to misunderstand the term ‘pride’. Some may see it as being egomaniacal or full of yourself. People who confuse pride with ego/arrogance are the ones who haven’t actually achieved anything. Don’t confuse ego with pride. Being pride means knowing your worth. Until the source of pride comes from materialistic gains, it’s not ego.
It is the pride that a man takes in his work, his life, and all of his passions. Someone can only truly be a man if they hold themselves and their actions to a certain standard. Without this, they have little respect for anything, including themselves.
As a real man it’s of utmost importance that you take pride in the way that you look, in the way that you work, and the way that you treat others.
Pride is what you walk out of the gym with after crushing a workout. Pride is when you become somebody from a nobody. An artist is proud of his art, a blogger is proud of his blog. They have a feeling of pride because they created something out of nothing.
A pride man doesn’t demand respect, he commands it. Pride comes from winning a war, pride comes from the scars, it comes from the struggle against mediocrity. Once you start giving 100% to whatever you do you you’d become a really proud person. If you aren’t proud of anything yet, you have some work to do.
Now the term hustler tends to have negative connotations. To me a hustler is a modern day warrior.
A real hustler, nonetheless, is someone who knows what they want and will do what is necessary to get it. He’s not seduced by the hype, he fight mediocrity. A hustler can be easily set apart from an average Joe because of the discontent that seems to ceaselessly characterize him. He uses his discontent as a driving force to make things move.
A hustler begins with an end goal, he might not have a creative plan for how to achieve it. But he takes one step at a time. His strength comes from taking fast decisions and adapting quickly instead of dawdling.
You are either a hustler or you get hustled by.
Hustlers are always learning, motivated, and are driven by pride (point number 1). Rejection is everywhere, people turn you down all the time. Hustlers find motivation in rejection and use it as a driving force, that’s what separates them. As a man, you must understand your role as a provider. Don’t wait for opportunity, create it. Be willing to bleed.
Never restrict yourself, jump on from one field to another. Familiarize yourself with different fields it will give you a distinct advantage over anyone else.
If something doesn’t work be willing to let it go.
That’s the most important quality. Meet my friend Mohit. We have been friends for over 10 years now. He’s the best real life example near me. He changed 4 universities in the first year of academics, he moved to Australia for further studies, but quickly figured out that it didn’t align with his Entrepreneurial goals, within 3 months he let it go.
There he was back in India with no plans and zero bank balance. He started doing freelance gigs making about $100 a month. Two years and three continents later, today his net worth is $700k.
A man should work towards his ambition and must be surrounded by discipline and purpose. As a man you must understand time is an asset – make sure every minute is accounted for.
You need to be willing to make short-term sacrifices, to risk everything, even if the stakes are high- to get what you want. A man must understand his duty to be a provider. As a provider you need to look at the assets that you have and use them to the best of your abilities.
Whether you’re trying to start a new business, or climb the corporate ladder – it all comes down to your ability to hustle.
“Not only should a man keep his word to others, but keep his word to himself.”
Interestingly the word integrity comes from the ‘Integer’. Integer means whole number. Integrity is a state of being whole and complete. Integrity is acknowledging your impact on your surroundings.
A man is nothing without integrity. Tony Dungy probably phrased it best when he said that integrity was the choice between what is convenient and what is right. Integrity is so important because it is a defining characteristic of who you are as a man. It is about having a certain set of ethics, principles, and ideas in place and sticking with them.
Your word is your sword and your shield. Honor your words with your life. Men of their words are known to be trusted and respected. A man who breaks his word is known to be weak and unreliable. Who wants to deal with an unreliable person? I cut people off the moment I sense flakiness.
Integrity is what binds a family together. If you said you will do something, do it. If you can’t keep your words, your children will never respect you, you woman will stop trusting you. She will feel your masculine core is weak, she will feel let down.
Without honor, you’re a nobody. If you break promises and make empty gestures you will never be treated seriously, instead disregarded and considered of low character.
Being a man of your word will be a key differentiator in building a network. It will grant you access to influential people and allow you to rise above your station in life.
There is nothing remotely masculine about someone who beats around the bush. This is why one of the most vital traits of a real man is the ability to be forthright. One of the reasons that this is an admired quality is because people know exactly where they stand with you.
Yes it might throw some people off specially the ones who don’t know you very well. They might label you as an asshole, but who cares? If you need a favor – ask. If you can’t rerun a favor – tell them right away. It’s better than creating confusion and doing something halfheartedly.
There is no confusion about what you say because you call it like you see it. No one will ever doubt your words because they would not expect anything less than the truth.
“Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient.”
Man throughout history has been hunter and the provider, and that by its nature means self-sufficiency, because not only is he feeding or protecting himself, he is so sufficient he is able to give some to his family.
You cannot call yourself a man if you are relying on other people for everything. As a real man, it is your job to take care of others, not for you to be dependent on others. Not your father, not your mother, not your wife.
Self Sufficiency is a lot of things:
- Can you keep your place clean or your clothes are all over the place?
- Can you clean your car? Or are you ashamed of doing it? Can you change the flat tire?
- Can you cook your own food? Can you live like a minimalist? Can you protect yourself?
- Have you incorporated weight-training routine into your routine?
- Do you rely on another for happiness and support?
Your level of manliness is inversely proportional to how much you are dependent on others.
When you are dependent on others men/women, you give up power. You let them define you. Don’t give your power. Being able to walk away from anything and anyone is self-sufficiency. Self-sufficiency is liberating. It is an eminently alpha trait to not rely on others.
When you get a deal you do not like, you walk away, that’s self-sufficiency. When you can tell people to FUCK OFF after screwing you – that is power. That is self-sufficiency. Again, it’s fueled by pride, your ability to hustle and straight-forwardness.
Other than that there’s an emotional aspect of being ‘self-sufficient’, which means you are secure under your skin, you are at peace with yourself. It’s a feeling of fundamental wholeness and well-being. People with strong ‘self-sufficiency’ aren’t too concerned with other people’s opinions of them. Flattery and glory don’t affect them too much either.
These are the most important qualities of a real man. I don’t know what you can do if you have them in you or not. But from what I know is gym could be a great place to start. It will fuel you with testosterone. Testosterone is masculinity. Masculinity is dominance. Dominance is pride. Pride is self-sufficiency. Self-sufficiency is everything.
I learned my lesson in the gym. Iron can be a great teacher, it will only bring the best out of you.
You remember that scene from the movie Captain America, where Dr. Abraham Erskine says to Steve Roger – “The serum amplifies everything that is inside, so good becomes great”.
Maybe now you can relate to me, why I advocate Iron Therapy. I think when you work on a project and you are consistent, you learn to control your emotions and that’s when magic happens.